Hungry Host

Sometimes in ministry I feel like a host at a restaurant. I am around food and hungry people. People, here’s your food. Food, here is the hungry mouth that will consume you. Having worked as a host and a manager at a great restaurant for many years (El Charro Mexican Food in Lafayette, CA), I know some indisputable facts. 1) All people get hungry. 2) Hosts are people. 3) Therefore, hosts get hungry, too. Some may call this a logical fallacy, but those people have probably never worked in a restaurant. The point is that it is easy for me to get so consumed with the idea that everyone else must be fed that I forget to eat. Sometimes I find that I don’t have an appetite for the very food that I am serving. One of my favorite memories was the time my dad and I went next door to El Charro for some greasy cheeseburgers before the dinner shift started. Why was this so great? Two reasons: I knew I was going to eat and I love cheeseburgers. But what really excited me was that my dad (the boss, by the way) gave me permission to bring in outside food. We didn’t let customers bring in pizza or fast food and use our tables, but in between shifts, when it was just the two of us, we ate and were satisfied. I could then spend the next five to six hours fully concentrating on feeding everyone else. To me, the analogy is clear: as a caregiver I need to take care of myself. It seems to be a lesson I have to repeatedly learn and repeatedly teach. The two nuances that I am currently thinking about are how can I get fed in creative ways, and what is my cheeseburger? I don’t know how many of us struggle with performance theology (not the aesthetic kind), but I will confess that I do. I exhaust myself, and I get really bummed when I don’t do a great job at being a Christ follower, let alone being a pastor, missionary, husband, father, or friend. I speak with total belief about a God of grace . . . for others, but how I make decisions often reflects a different understanding that is wrong. I need to fully embrace God giving me permission to spiritually feed myself in unique ways. I need something creative that feeds this hungry soul and keeps me in constant communion with my Father. The second thought is really a question: what is my spiritual cheeseburger? Like many of us, I have a spiritual routine and then some. My vocation as a missionary pastor and leader necessitates a lot of time studying scripture to counsel wisely, teach effectively, and evangelize passionately. Like many teachers of God’s Word, my personal study time is eaten up with continual study for giving out instead of simply receiving. So what is that cheeseburger? What is that different type of quiet time, spiritual discipline, or devotional exercise which will breathe new life into my spiritual palate? I am on the hunt because I am hungry.